The Micallef Program Episode 1 Milo Corrigan
— Television news studio
A news reader sits at a desk. Behind him, an image captioned “DUCKS ON LAKE” shows some ducks on a lake. It changes to an elevated image of houses with patchy yellow rooves with the caption “URINE”.
Jim Waley (SM):
[reading the news to camera] And finally, a block of frozen urine broke free from a waste storage tank aboard an international airliner today, narrowly missing another aircraft flying ten thousand feet below, before glancing off the side of a 75-storey office tower and being deflected at right angles, and crashing through a ceiling, crushing a male diner in the nearby Good Luck Chinese restaurant. [to the next desk] Over to you, Roz.
Roz:
[to Jim] Thanks, Jim. [to camera] [1]Well, the High Court’s decision to send the fourteen hundred MUA workers back to the wharves has caused Patrick’s a few headaches, but political commentators agree that’s nothing compared with the brain-fizzing migraines the federal court conspiracy trial will cause later this year. We invited Patrick’s boss Chris Corrigan on to the Program to explain the finer points of the dispute, take us through the complex corporate restructuring of his company which occurred in September, and to clarify the intricate legal mire caused by the clash of employment contracts with industrial relations legislation. He couldn’t come, and so instead has sent his brother Milo Corrigan. [to Milo] Mister Corrigan, just take us through the circumstances leading up to the retrenchment, and the machinations within your organisation and its sister companies.
Milo Corrigan (SM):
[2]Oh, I’d be delighted. [clears throat] First tell you about quite amusing… Three guys walk into a bar … a Scotsman with a chicken on his head. He goes to the barman and says [in a Scottish accent] …
Roz:
And— [Milo picks up the water jug, is startled by it and screams.] And what about allegations that the federal government conspired with Patrick’s?
Milo Corrigan:
Ah! That’s a lie, a dirty lie,[3] I oughta slap you in the mouth … [whistles nonchalantly] North by Northwest[4] [makes a beat with his mouth] only a film … piece of orange in his mouth like that[5] [makes a noise like a monkey] Stella! Stella! [screams][6] [holds out his cupped hands] There’s a dead magpie! I coulda been someone. I coulda been a contender![7] … in a nutshell. [smiles]
Roz:
[to camera] Well, there you have it, Patrick Stevedores’ part in the wharfies dispute in a nutshell.
[1] Please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1998_Australian_waterfront_dispute for the background story concerning this interview.
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